Choices
by Kurama no Miko2003
Summary: One-shot, Songfic: He had made some bad choices, screwed up, and she had left him. Now, though, thinking back on her words, is it finally time to admit his mistake and win her back?


Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam SEED, Gundam SEED Destiny, or "key of the twilight" nor do I make any money from this piece of fan fiction.

Warnings: None, pairings: one-sided Athrun/Meyrin, one-sided Athrun/Cagalli

AN: I've been reading puzzlepuzzle's The Isle, and was in a rather Athrun/Cagalli mood, and I got back to thinking about the end of GSD. I'm writing this with a limited knowledge of the changes that had been made to GSD with the Special Edition releases (I never got around to watching them). I've loved Athrun and Cagalli as a couple ever since SEED and I wasn't entirely happy with how things turned out with those two in Destiny. Meyrin's very much the polar opposite of Cagalli in many ways, starting with their personalities, and I find AsuCaga to have a more interesting relationship dynamic than AsuMey. The song is "key of the twilight" from the .hack//SIGN OST. Strangely enough, the idea to add the song came _after_ I had written the fic – usually it's the other way around for me. The song seemed strangely appropriate given Kajiura Yuki also composed a few insert songs and EDs for GS/GSD, namely the insert songs associated with ORB getting its butt kicked ("Akatsuki no Kuruma" and "Honoo no Tobira"). As is the usual with all of my other song fics, lyrics are in italics.

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Choices

_(Intro)_

The wind blew through his hair as he sat down on the cliff, staring out into the sea, thinking of opportunities lost, friendships ruined, relationships shattered. He thought of _her_, of her golden hair and hazel eyes. Of her fiery spirit, and unrelenting ideals. Of her slim body, and warm kisses. But that was not meant to be. Or perhaps, he had, once again, been a fool and lost her too. It would not be the first time his foolishness cost him something he treasured.

_Come with me in the twilight of a summer night for awhile  
Tell me of a story never ever told in the past_

She, like many before her, had seen him for who he was at their first meeting: a ZAFT redcoat, a teenage boy in the middle of puberty. She was perhaps one of the few who did not recognize him as the son of the current PLANT chairman, Patrick Zala. That was fair, given he had failed to recognize her as the daughter of the Lion of ORB. But she was one of the very few who came to know what he was in their subsequent meetings: an elite soldier questioning the ideals of his nation, a teenager who lost his mother and father in one sweep of violent ignorance. And when he had insisted on becoming her bodyguard, she had asked him why, why he had to work under a pseudonym.

_Take me back to the land__  
Where my yearnings were born_  
_The key to open the door is in your hand  
Now fly me there_

"You can't change who you are," she said at the time. "You can't change the fact you're the son of Patrick Zala, who, after losing your mother, went down a path of genocidal vengeance. You can't change the fact that you're an ex-ZAFT redcoat. You can't change the fact that you're the pilot of the Justice. You can't change that you're a Coordinator. You can't change any of that any more than I can change being Uzumi Nara Atha's adoptive daughter and Kira's Natural twin sister. Adopting a false name won't change any of that. Running away won't change anything. If you want the world to know that Athrun Zala, the son of Patrick Zala is nothing like him, you can't start by adopting a fake name."

_Fanatics find their heaven in never ending storming wind  
Auguries of destruction be a lullaby for rebirth_

She had been right, of course, in the way she had been when they had met during the First War, with her philosophy on the endless cycle of death and vengeance, with her insistence that suicide was the easy way out and that living is the way to atone for his sins. Looking back, that had been the one decision he made that drove them apart. The rest of his stupid decisions, rejoining ZAFT as a FAITH member, choosing to side with Dullindal and fighting on opposite sides of the Second War, were minor compared to that.

_Consolations, be there  
In my dreamland to come  
The key to open the door is in your hand  
Now take me there_

As he had done far too often in the days since the ending of the Second War, he pulled a ruby ring from his pocket. The ring he had given her as a token of his affection and promise before he left. The ring she had not returned to him in person, but through Meyrin as a sign of the finality of their break up. He had no doubt that his room in the ORB royal palace had been cleaned out, his things thrown away, or perhaps kept in storage should he ever return.

_I believe in fantasies invisible to me  
In the land of misery I'm searchin' for the sign  
To the door of mystery and dignity  
I'm wandering down, and searchin' down the secret sun_

The warm ocean breeze ruffled through his hair, and a voice interrupted his inner turmoil. "Athrun-san." Turning around, he saw the familiar dark pink pigtails and violet eyes.

"Meyrin," he curtly replied. He noticed the disappointment that flashed through her eyes. He was aware of her affections for him, just as Cagalli had been – why else would she ask Meyrin to give him the letter and the ring? But there was little he could do to return Meyrin's affections – it was not so much that he disliked her and her quiet and accommodating nature as much as he was drawn to Cagalli's unrelenting fiery spirit and easily flustered nature. But he had not taken her advice truly into consideration, and with his foolish choices afterwards, lost her, much in the same way he had lost Lacus the first time.

_(Interlude)_

Yet, unlike the first time, he held far more affection for Cagalli than he ever did for Lacus; Lacus was a friend, a close friend, but a friend nonetheless, and wholly out of his reach now that she was with Kira. Cagalli, on the other hand . . . was still unattached. Last he had read in the newspapers, she had no shortage of suitors, and had no qualms about turning them all down. Perhaps he still had a chance.

_Come with me in the twilight of a summer night for awhile  
Tell me of a story never ever told in the past_

But first, he had to make things right. He had to let the world know that Athrun Zala was his own man, regardless of his heritage and parenting. That he made his own decisions. That he had his own ideals that were drastically different from his father's. And then maybe, just maybe, he could win her affection.

_Take me back to the land__  
Where my yearnings were born__  
The key to open the door is in your hand__  
Now take me there  
To the land of twilight_

For the first time in years, he felt a calmness enter him that he had not felt since the end of the First War. Turning to Meyrin, he steeled himself, and said, "Meyrin, thank you for everything you've done for me. But I cannot return your feelings for me." Here, tears began to fill her eyes as she held a clenched hand up to her eyes, wiping tears away.

"But why, Athrun-san? I-"

He interrupted her. "I still have feelings for Cagalli. I cannot be the man you want me to be while I still cherish her the way I do."

Without waiting for her reply, he walked up to her, wiped her tears away with one hand, and kissed her cheek goodbye. He concentrated on walking forward, and closing this chapter of his life. Now was not the time to dwell on the past. Now was the time to pave the way for his future, and pray he would not be too late.

End

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AN: I hope you enjoyed this one shot; I'm sure a fic like this has been done to death. Please leave a review!


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